Do you Wanna See Me Even Though you Fucked Me Already?

This chart assumes the following:

1. You're female
2. You met a fella in a bar / club of some drunkenly "fun" variety
3. You slept with him that night
4. You contacted him with your mobile device within 1 - 5 days afterwards
5. You didn't say some loony shit such as "I'm in love with you", "I want to have your babies", "I think we were meant to be", etc.



moar funny pictures

October 27th: France Will Read its Scientology Verdict

Though it was not reported in any major news outlet in the United States (yet again), the Scientology trial ended in France on June 15th. A verdict will be read on October 27th. The two entities of the French Church of Scientology are the Paris headquarters and the bookstore.

I feel I must apologize for not originally including this in my blog posted on June 27th titled "Scientology Goes on Trial in France, America is Unaware". I stupidly thought that I should not have to search French publications in order to find this information. My thought process was as follows: "surely if the announcement of the trial was mentioned in Time and on the BBC, any major developments in the trial would be mentioned there as well." I was wrong. The Church of Scientology appears to be making great efforts to keep information about this trial off of American soil and out of American brains, as in the United States, Scientology is still classified as a religion.

Many countries (high fives all around everybody on the list below) have disallowed the Church of Scientology from being classified as a religion:

* Belgium
* Germany
* France
* Greece (though there is no formal mechanism that allows an institution to be classified as a religion in Greece)
* Kazakhstan (hold your Borat jokes, these fuckers know what's up)
* Russia
* Switzerland
* United Kingdom

The only country that has made major strides in discouraging activities of the Church of Scientology is Kazakhstan. They have been classified as an organization that poses a threat to national security. In February 2009, the Kasakh national prosecutor began to seek disbandment of the Church of Scientology. In a statement made by Kazakh Prosecutor General's Office, "Kazakh nation's health through inflicting harm on people's psychic and physical health". Click here for the Wikipedia article.

The bummer about Kazakhstan is that the dissolution, elimination, or "threat to national security" status, doesn't really matter to the Church of Scientology. Kazakhstan doesn't have a lot of money or bitchin' celebrities. The Church of Scientology, with its 8 million members worldwide, doesn't need the net financial gain of its Kazahk operations.

In France and, perish the religious freedom infringing thought - the United States - it would be a very different story. The Church of Scientology has much, much, more to lose in these wealthy and Scientologist dense countries.

In closing arguments on June 15th, French prosecutor Maud Coujard urged the court to return with a guilty verdict and a charge to dissolve the Church of Scientology in the nation of France.

France would be the first affluent nation to demolish the Church of Scientology. This Paris court holds in its hands the opportunity to begin the ruination of the Church of Scientology in the western world, which has been historically (okay, in the last fifty years) very friendly to "freedom of religion". This issue ultimately brings into question: "what is the difference between tithing spirituality and selling belief and knowledge?"

In my opinion, there has been, but there may never again be a difference.

Scientology Goes on Trial in France, America is Unaware

On May 25th, ten of the Church of Scientology's French leaders went on trial. The ten of them, this time around, are defending against evidence and allegations that the Church of Scientology is a financially driven organization and non a non-profit church. The accusation specifically is that generates revenue by convincing psychologically depressed and disadvantaged individuals that they are in need of very costly spiritual healing and counseling session. This is known as "auditing".

This trial was planned to be over by June 17th. I've been waiting like a little rich kid waits for Christmas, but so far, there is no new information. I can't believe there haven't even been papparazzi swarming the exterior of the courthouse, if possible, I'd develop a blog dedicated strictly do this. Oh, that'd be glorious.

The lure of Scientology is understandable. For one, it has massive celebrity endorsement. And then it promises to not only provide such luxuries and niceties that they celebrities live in and possess, but to have complete mental healing. Elimination of all depression and anxieties - wow...what a fine target demo.

Scientologists have been on trial in France for similar allegations five times since 1978 to now. 1978 was L. Ron Hubbard himself. He was found guily of vulgar fraud. Specifically, the defrauding and taking money from individuals, promising them health and wealth by going through the auditing program.

So as I sit here, on the edge of my seat (alright I'm in bed right now, to be fair), wondering just what the fate of Scientology in France will be. I suspect that the trial will end just as pappa L. Ron's did in 1978. The prosecution has two key witnesses. One of which was scammed out of $27,000 in two months.

The result of a "guilty" verdict would be fines and possible prison time. Best of all (and this is my giant birthday present that I'm hoping to get to tear into and enjoy) is that the Church of Scientology would be banned from doing business and existing as an entity at all in the nation of France.

France is clearly a far more secular nation than the United States. However, Americans have gestated andincreasingly profound distaste for Scientology. Perhaps, as strong as that disgust France has and may take action on. Thank you, South Park, Tom Cruise, and The Celebrity Center.

Perhaps, France will pave the way for other nations (fingers crossed foolishly for the U.S.A.) to ban Scientology as well. Even better, perhaps the veil of spirituality will be lifted from other major profit driven religions. If not for judicial systems to take action, but for individuals to express lessened demand on their own.

Praise be to MJ

It is tragic that a man's life ends at the age of fifty.

It is far more tragic that the man who died spent his entire life entertaining a planet; and he will likely be remembered just as much for his failures and potentially criminal behavior as he will the joy he brought the world.

I don't know if Michael Jackson is guilty of being a pederast, or if he was in fact extremely confused an unsure of social norms. Someone that is confused cannot be mentally ill or a criminal.

Though none of us can argue that he was a magnificent and charismatic performer. In order to be such a thing, one must be dedicated, talented, and instinctual.

No one can disagree that Michael Jackson gave us something to talk about, whether it was something he wanted talked about or not. He changed the world artistically and socially. I think deep down, that's something we all wish we could accomplish.

Praise be to MJ.

Romantic Love vs. Marriage: the Eternal Struggle for Juiciness

Today the following article was posted on Salon.com:

Why your marriage sucks by Amanda Fortini

A good article. Completely relevant for the times. No doubt partially prompted by Jon and Kate Plus 8, making their dissolution from reality TV cash-cows to divorcees trying to tip-toe their affairs and new mating strategies around their children. It's kind of like hiding mentally destructive candy from them, you know, like the lithium in your medicine cabinet.

Where this article hits the g-spot is in its acknowledgment that the idea of romance must adjust for the times. However, it seemed to apply that the institution of marriage is no longer sustainable at all. It's another nuisance, or property, created by popular culture.

Let's not forget that this aspect of culture, the marriage fantasy, was first created by religion then perpetuated by popular culture. A popular culture that has not, by any stretch of the imagination updated it's concept of romance and romantic love.

Romance cannot be perceived and treated as a gateway to the unsustainable and mundane illustration of marriage: shuttling the kids around, distribution of chores, etc.

I say this a lot. It's probably infuriating by this point: without the proper genesis, any relationship is doomed.

In this case, romance must stem from the realization that you've found the "one" not because you've just found it and you want it. To have an to hold and to procreate with and from whence to take your legal tender from. That gets old for one party, or both, very fucking quickly.

To truly, enjoy, relish, and adore the person you've chosen you spend you life with you absolutely must know what other ill-fitting individuals lurk out there in the giant polluted "sea of fish".

Enter, the "love process".

1. Boy meets girl in an academic or church setting
2. Boy and girl graduate from academic setting (continue going to church, if applicable)
3. Girl wants to have babies
4. Boy wants to inherit mom and dad's money and prove to them that he's not gay
5. Boy and girl get married
6. Girl has baby

The love process never used to have the "sea of fish" stop along the way. It went straight from high school or college to marriage. A marriage in which the female was effectively financially enslaved and her uterus became gestation-land. This stop, of investigating the repulsive sea of fish, didn't exist in pop culture and wasn't at all socially acceptable. This would de-virginize the female, either figuratively or literally.

Here is the "love process" today.

1. Boy fucks lots of girls, has no intent of staying with any of them, wants to play video games
2. Girl fucks lots of boys, has every intent of staying with every last one of them. Gets very upset. Loses faith in boys.
3. Girl and boy get angry. Lose touch with humanity. Begin academic or other professional pursuits.
4. Girl and boy meet in random social setting. No rhyme or reason for this whatsoever.
5. Girl and boy are wary of each other. Have developed major insecurities.
6. Work through said insecurities / bullshit, get married. Have much more reasonable relationship, involving romance and being humbly grateful that they no longer must exist in the insufferable "sea of fish".

When the love process was modernized and began to show itself in pop culture, the social reaction to step 2 was "ugh, that slut!". That hasn't much changed.

I'm proposing that "being the slut" for a while, fucking the fish in the sea to test out what's good and what's bad, is a necessary part of the love process. Without it, one will truly never know what true love, with sustainable romantic qualities, feels like and how it applies to your own life.

Romantic love used to be an ideal, told to us by magazines and our parents, thusly being something we wanted to live up to. We were disappointed in ourselves if we didn't - we were shamed. This is still what it is. But it's up to us as a fucked up non-mapped generation dealing with a world that isn't what we thought it was supposed to be. We thought it would be affluent, we thought we'd be better off than our parents. There is no conceivable economic way that is possible as of preset. This of course fucks with relationships quite a bit too. We must create and adap to new idea (not an ideal) of what romantic love is and what it can be.

It is not the same to everyone. Romantic love cannot be prescribed and it shouldn't be harnessed. You have to create it on your own and it will probably be borne from awful mistakes and lessons learned from those mistakes. Apply this learning from fucking up and every day you'll say to yourself, "jesus christ, I'm glad I tested this shit theory out on someone else."

I'm the winner! Salon.com thinks I'm legitimate.

I received an Editor's Pick on Salon.com.

I pat myself vigorously on the back and now I shall toast myself with a splendid glass of scotch.

Check it out here:
I'm Saving my Anus for Marriage

xoxo
Asta

Cock on the Brain: Do You Got It?

A while ago, Jab, Trixie, her significant-personal-trailer-roommate fellow were watching the upstanding Nicholas Cage film The Rock. At the time the film came out, I recall being interested in it as a reflection of my father's interest in anything military/explosion/biological warfare related. I was trying to impress him. Though now as I've grasped reality and some common themes of what make movies "un-mockable", it's quite easy to use American macho flicks as the butt of many jokes. So we embarked on a MST3K like journey through watching the movie.

Though most jokes ended up being about dick.

Many of mine and Trixie's jokes were about some unbelievably good fellatio. I guess we'd like to think we give it, but we aren't sure. Well she's sure. She's received ovations (yes, in the actual meaning of the word, not with semen). I am a little less sure of my skills, however.

After leaving, Jab commented that Trixie and I talked more about dong than any other women he'd ever known. I guess I'd never thought about that. I just joked about that which I felt I didn't have power over, but wanted to. Yes, this is a self-deprecating thing again.

He said that he didn't know any males that talked about vagina in the same disposable manner that Trixie and I talked about penises.

I'm guessing this is because we greatly detest the abundance of times we've been treated as disposable. It's the only way to cope with it.

Jab is a very open minded fellow. I'm not saying that this discussion was at all double standard. I don't think that at all. I think I had somehow considered myself an elite female that was willing to make dick jokes. I don't know why the fuck that makes me special, it doesn't.

I had never pondered this either. Is this strange? All females I know are willing to speak of the male genitals in a frank and deconstructive manner. Do you?

Obviously this question is unanswered. How do you talk about phalluses? Do you? At all?

Hey Amnesty international, you can thank me for the free advertising later.