On the Eve of Japan

Oh the land of the rising sun.

The land which we destroyed with the beloved fusion bomb over nearly seventy years ago.

The land which we mock, gain Asiatic impressions from, whether worthwhile and applicable or not, it's just a jolly good time. That which we don't understand but find odd is always such a jubilant time. You know, like Barnam and Bailey found the Bearded Lady.

Fuck, guys, some of us are just bearded. Fuck you.

In less than a week, I will go to Japan. I would typically not be writing an ode to it. My ode would not be in wonder and curiosity. Except for that my exodus is a rather unique situation. We will be an entourage.

Yes, like Turtle, E, and Drama in HBO's "Entourage" - I will be one frolicking about on the coat tails of those who have earned fame and infamy in Japan. A band that reached #2 on the Tower Records charts in Japan last week. And why have I earned this? I dunno, because I was there, I was just hanging out. Oh that and I have airmiles. Thank you, Dad.

The other "why have a I earned this question" is one which much geopolitical merit. I wonder why the fuck do I have the right to even go to Africa - we haven't saved them though we have the will and the means. Though quite to the Japanese extreme, we didn't have the chance to save them, we attempted to annihilate them and now Japanese youth appear to intently admire and desire to emulate American youth like me.

My fiance and I have been taking Japanese lessons from a tutor since August in anticipation of this trip. Though we didn't know it would be so soon. Our instructor's name is Sanae. She's an amazing girl. She teaches us whatever we want to learn. If we want to know how to mock our friends and completely destroy their game with the Japanese ladies, she'll tell us how to do that. All that and with style, grace, and perfection. I could not ask for anything more. But one thing we had to ask Sanae was, "how do we hand out sample CDs? what should we say?" Part of our duty while in Japan is to promote my fiance's new band.

She said, "oh well, 'hai dozo' would be fine, then hand the person the CD."

We agreed and made our notes diligently. Then probably forgot about it, like the shitty students that we are.

Sanae thought about it for a moment. She looked out the window and put her finger on her chin like she does when she isn't sure about a proper Japan/America linguistic equivalent.

"You should just say it in English...it would sound more cool." She was definitive, but then followed with a giggle. Giggling because she probably thought we'd think it was completely silly that a Japanese person would think English would sound "cool". And yeah, I did wonder why the fuck this was.

Though the reason I wondered "why the fuck do they think English sounds cool" isn't because I recognize English is not a widely spoken nor preferred language in Japan. It is because we bombed the fuck out of them. Japan is the only country on which an atomic bomb has ever been released. Yet, they are the second largest economy in the world.

Coming away from this I was fucking flummoxed. My brain pulsated with confusion, attempting to process the irony and un-American way that this was being dealt with.

Why do they like Americans? Why do they think English sounds cool? Why do they even let us in their country?

The way Americans deal with contrarian and aggressive opinions and actions in quite the opposite, even after the fact. We kick them out. We even interned the Japanese.

While I have my theories on this topic, I hope that my adventure to Japan shows me the light. I also wonder if Japan would ever wage war on the United States again. Not too long ago I had read a book that hypothesized this would be the case around 2050. So I asked a Japanese friend about this. I queried, "Do you think Japan would ever want to have a war with the US again?"

She responded, carefully, and in slightly broken English, "mmm...we have a rule."

She paused for about thirty seconds, translating in her head. So I asked, to ensure she knew I was listening, "what is your rule?"

"Mmmm...we do not have war unless other country attack first."

While this made all the sense in the world, and was historically mandated, my fiance and I laughed, "HA! Yeah, everybody says that, but nobody does it."

"Japan does," our friend said. I believe her.

Maybe, with good reason, honesty, and a faint presence of religion, countries can learn to forgive their attackers.